The Ugly Word that Starts with H

I’ve been debating about this post for days. It keeps come back to me, so I think this issue needs  addressed (the issue not the person - keep reading). 

Last week after I posted about my first marriage my friend Emily got me out of the house to walk. God sent me such an amazing friend. She supports me through all this craziness, listens to my struggling, and helps me in my goals to become a healthier person. Anyway, we were making laps around the playground as our kids played when I got the notification. I am so glad that Emily was there at that moment even though I remember her saying, “I am just so confused.” It was hard for both of us to process and understand. 

You see last week (at that moment in the park) I got my first “You are a hypocrite” email. 

At first it affected me. 

Then it didn’t affect me. 

But now it still kind of is and I feel the subject of being a “Christian Hypocrite” should be addressed. 

You know what this reminds me of? There is a girl that I grew up with who shares her life very publicly, but also sells a product that she may over share a bit on on Facebook. She has a tendency to take anyone’s criticism of her and repost it for her 1,000+ followers to unleash hate on that person. Normally, unjustified hate that is spewed as insults on this person who made the mistake of criticizing (or questing the judgement) of this girl (or should I say woman).  I DO NOT WANT THAT happening here I plan to not share a single word of the email I received and I want you to fully understand that the writer has been hurt by my actions in the past combined with my current words. I believe there are other hurts that caused her to reach out to me that are not associated with me. No matter her reasoning I feel the word “Hypocrite” should be addressed before I continue sharing my story. 

***Now you may say, Dana why not just take all of this and send it back to her in an email. Well, faceboook has prohibited me from responding to the message probably due privacy restrictions. And, also, I feel that others may have the same questions so why not just address it now. 

The definition of hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform. So, if you are preaching “do not drink diet dr. pepper”, but you drink a twelve pack a day, that would be hypocrisy - you see? 

Oh man this word mixed with being a Christian really does hurt my heart. I can totally see how this can happen. From the outside Christians seem to have it all together (or people think that we that we think we have it all together - ya follow), but in reality I have yet to find a Christian who does not have some sort of sin in their life - not one. It’s not really possible because as the bible says, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). 

By the time I get through telling my entire story you will see that I’ve broken all ten commandments. I’ve (unfortunately) lived enough life for about 3 or 4 people. I feel that while doing that I’ve picked up a bunch of knowledge. Now, don’t get me wrong I don’t go around saying “Oh I know everything about having a child outside of marriage”, but I have done it both ways and for me having a child in a loving, committed (by a commitment made with God as #1) far outweighs what it felt like to have a child outside of marriage. Again, I don’t go around just spewing advice, but I have been know it give advice when it is asked for. For the longest time I have given advice out of love and have shared my experiences along the way. I do everything in my power to not judge anyone - far be it for me to judge given my history. Now, there are sometimes when people understand the choices in my life and why I am giving advice the way I do. 

These are choices that I usually make because I have seen what sin has done in my life (not that I don’t still have sin in my life). When you compare my actions or how I live my life today you have to understand my past. You have to understand that I have been torn down and God has rebuilt me. When He does that you don’t come out the same on the other side. In many cases He changes just about everything about you. There is no way you can compare the words I type today to the person that I was 8 or 9 years ago. We are two different woman. 

Which seems like a perfect time to bring in a statement that I have heard multiple times. I have addressed it once before in my blog (five years ago), but it came up again in the email I received (yep…I am sharing one part of the email). 

MATT DID NOT CHANGE ME! 

Yep, I just shouted that because it drives me INSANE! I always already on this path with God before Matt came into my life. If anything Matt probably wishes there were some old me still in me, but I think he is pretty happy with his wife. 

Again, I think that this comes with me not fully sharing my “hell” before. If you knew what life was for me 8/9 years ago you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy, so why do you want me to go back to her? I was not physically healthy, I was not mentally healthy and was so far away from my faith it’s frightening. I almost lost my child, my home and my life during that period of time. I hurt my family and anyone who tried to get close to me. So, when you say I’ve changed I say “Oh hell yeah I have.” (not sure if that’s considered an inappropriate statement). 

I hope this makes sense or has helped you to understand where I am coming from. I try my best (with prayer) to not come into any situation with judgement. And if you feel the need to pray for me then I welcome all our prayers. 

I want to leave you with this, I am sure I’ve seen it around Facebook.